Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Gonna Need More Dogs!

Today I had to attend court on a ticket I received.  It's a small town court and those of us who had been summoned were gathered in the hallway waiting for the doors to the courtroom to be unlocked. 

I noticed an older gentleman holding a small dog.  I'm thinking,  "No way he's going to get in the courtroom with that dog.  I had to leave my 2 inch pocketknife in the truck."  "I didn't know it was Bring your Dog to Court Day.  I could have brought Ricky Bobby.  He would have loved this."

When the doors opened I made my way inside and selected a seat at the end of a completely empty row.  In just a moment, the man with the dog came along and asked me,  "Can Stella and I sit by you?"

Figuring  Stella to be his wife, I look around and then say, "Of course."  He settles in the seat next to me and positions the dog on his lap.  Then he proceeds to introduce me to Stella, his little four-legged friend.  Now of course, I'm dying to know how he got in here with that dog and why?  Did Stella get a ticket too?

I couldn't think of a polite way to ask him but as it turned out, I didn't have to.  The man says,  "Stella here goes everywhere with me.  She's my therapy dog." 

Now Stella is about 10 pounds of long shaggy hair and that's it.  I spent a couple of moments trying to envision her assisting the man with anything and I drew a blank.  So I made the mistake of saying,  "Really, what kind of therapy is Stella trained for?"

The man got really quiet for a second or two then in a very slow, measured voice he said,  "Stella....keeps...me...happy."  He is now stroking the dog intently and says,  "Stella helps me with my anger management issues."

All righty then.  I am sinking in my seat and desperately wishing I had sat anywhere else but here.  The man launches into a description of how smart Stella is,  things like how he potty trained her by saying over and over again,  "Stella wanna pee and poop?"  He demonstrated this by saying that over and over again very loudly and pointing out how Stella perked up her ears when she heard that phrase. 

We had already been instructed by the Clerk of Court that there was to be no talking once the judge entered the courtroom and until then,  conversations were to be kept hushed.  Evidently this guy didn't understand the meaning of 'hushed'. 

By this time I was convinced that when the judge entered, he would take one look at Stella and remove her, her owner and me (since it would seem apparent that we were all connected in some way)  from the room. 

The Judge was 19 minutes late.  I know this because my eyes were glued to the clock on the wall.  Meanwhile,  I endured 19 minutes of hearing all about Stella and her amazing abilities to eat a lizard and slide down the slippery slide at the pool. 

When the Judge did arrive, he looked around the courtroom, his eyes traveling over Stella without so much as a blink.  That's when I realized that it was very likely that Stella had been there before.  And evidently, the judge had been convinced that it was a good idea to have Stella present for the proceedings.  Not a good feeling.

My case was called before Stella and her owner so I didn't get to hear what they were there for.  But it did get me to thinking... how about therapy dogs for menopause relief?  God knows we could use the anger management part. 

Maybe I could claim all 7 of my dogs as 'therapy' dogs.  Could I get a supplement from the government for their food and vet care?  They could wear doggie shirts that say,  "Talk to me about my Mom's menopause."  One could be the hot flash therapy dog,  another could help me find all the things I keep losing and misplacing. 

With all my symptoms, I'm gonna need more dogs!  God help us all.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Random Act of Kindness

It's true, they are still out there! 

Today, as I was leaving Walmart, I saw a taxi cab pull up to the door.  It's a small town with no real public transportation.  I idly watched as the driver got out, went around to the back door, and ever so gently assisted an 'older' lady out of the cab.  She was not real steady on her feet and actually looked a bit un-nerved at the prospect of navigating into the store.  I wondered to myself how I could offer to help her without compromising her dignity.

I didn't have to worry about that.  The cab driver took her arm and carefully walked her inside to the motorized carts, got her settled then hurried out to his cab and drove away. 

Maybe she was a family member?  Maybe she was a regular customer,  a big tipper?  Didn't really look that way.  What it looked like was a Random Act of Kindness.

As someone who constantly feels the need to prove  "I can do it myself" it's frightening to think that there will come a day that I will need assistance from a stranger.  With the lifestyle I have chosen, it's amazing to anyone that knows me, that I am still able to get out of the truck without help.  I am a realist, I know those days are getting fewer and fewer. 

Thank you to that cab driver.  I don't know him or the elderly lady but his actions give me comfort that there are people in this world who take on (even if briefly) the responsibility to pass along a courtesy, respect and dignity to someone else.

It made me resolve to appreciate the things I have and determined to to make sure that I too pass along a random act of kindness.

Help the old people.  We're going to be them soon!!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

It's Normal!?! 9/12/12

I was doing some research online concerning the 'fuzzy' brain activity I seem to experience these days.  Before I get into what I found, let me tell you a story about myself. 
A couple of years ago, I became really concerned about my memory loss.  I couldn't find things I just had in my hands, couldn't remember why I went into a room and even had trouble with names of people I know really well. 
After a career in rodeo, a stint as a stock car driver and racetrack jockey and a gymnastics instructor, it's safe to say that I have had at least 6 concussions in my lifetime.  I was worried that perhaps I was experiencing some type of brain function loss to to these injuries or possibly early-onset dementia.  I didn't want to tell anyone my fears but finally, on a phone call to my dearest friend, I blurted out my anxieties.  As I continued to cite one example after another, I heard her begin to giggle.  I must confess, I was a little insulted by that.  When she finally could speak through her laughter, she assured me that I wasn't going crazy, I didn't have a brain injury.  She was a teacher and she was around lots of women on a daily basis.  She said that every one of them past the age of 40 were experiencing that same thing.  "You're not going nuts,  You are just going through the 'change'.  It's normal."
NORMAL?  How could this be normal?
I've since done some research because (for one thing)  I've never been considered normal in all my life.  I've learned that the definition of normal is really hard to pin down.

Scientists at the University of Rochester Medical Center and the University of Illinois at Chicago finally validated the claims of many women in their 40s and 50s who complained of "brain fog" or forgetfulness. 75 women from ages 40 to 60 were given an array of cognitive tests which not only confirmed the problem but also provided some explanation as to its occurrence and explained what is happening in the brain during menopause.

Miriam Weber, Ph.D., the neuropsychologist at the University of Rochester Medical Center who led the study explains :
"The most important thing to realize is that there really are some cognitive changes that occur during this phase in a woman's life ... If a woman approaching menopause feels she is having memory problems, no one should brush it off or attribute it to a jam-packed schedule. She can find comfort in knowing that there are new research findings that support her experience. She can view her experience as normal."
There's that Normal thing again!

Those who complained of a foggy memory did poorly on tests designed to gauge what is called "working memory", this gives a person the ability to take in new information as well as manipulate it mentally. An example might include adding up numbers in your head or adjusting an itinerary or schedule. Problems also included maintaining attention span on a long drive or getting through a long book.

"There really is something going on in the brain of a woman at this stage in her life ... There is substance to their complaints that their memory is a bit fuzzy."


Weber finishes with some advice for women experiencing these problems :
"When someone gives you a new piece of information, it might be helpful to repeat it out loud, or for you to say it back to the person to confirm it ... it will help you hold onto that information longer ... Make sure you have established that memory solidly in the brain ... You need to do a little more work to make sure the information gets into your brain permanently. It may help to realize that you shouldn't expect to be able to remember everything after hearing it just once."

Well,  that certainly made me feel better.  I wonder how much that study cost.  It's certainly going to slow down the communication when we have to repeat everything someone else says.

I don't really care how or why.  I just want someone to tell me what I can do about it.  I'm frustrated, I don't like being forgetful.  I've come to the point that I don't trust myself to remember important things.  Sometimes its comical,  like making a list for the store and then forgetting to take the list.  But sometimes it's degrading and embarrassing.  The other day I paid for gas then drove away from the pump without filling the tank.  Got quite a ways down the road and couldn't understand why the gas gauge was still on empty.  Not easy to go back in that store and tell them I forgot to get my gas.

It's somewhat comforting to know that we are not alone in this but also infuriating that a problem experienced by so many woman has not had the research done to find a cure or a solution.  So, I guess it's up to us.  Anyone out there have any 'treatments' you have tried?  Any success?  Any hope?

Monday, September 10, 2012

34 Symptoms

According to an article online, there are 34 menopause symptoms.  (Are you sure that's all?)   They include: hot flashes, night sweats, irregular periods, loss of libido, vaginal dryness, mood swings, hair loss and/or increased facial hair, memory loss, feeling dizzy, weight gain, incontinence, bouts of bloat, allergies, changes in fingernails, body odor changes, rapid heart beat bouts, depression, anxiety, irritability, panic disorders, breast pain, headaches during menopause, aching, burning tongue, electric shock sensation, digestive problems, gum problems, muscle tension, itchy skin, tingling extremities and osteoporosis.

The list of depression, anxiety, irritability, panic disorders and headaches amuses me.  Of course we have depression,  read the first few symptoms.  Those alone would put a woman into severe depression.  Body odor changes?  As in bad to worse or bad to oh, that's not soo bad? 

Bouts of bloat?  Yep, that's what I'm going to call it the next time I have to lay on the bed to zip my jeans.  "Hello, I'm having a bout of bloat today"

Irritability:  Do you suppose that was just a nicer term than 'homicdal rages'?    Again, who wouldn't be irritated with burning tongue and electric shock sensation?  (Sounds like names for drinks.  "Would you care for a Burning Tongue or the Electric Shock Sensation today?  They are 2 for 1 during happy hour.")

Loss of libido:  Once again, I am convinced that a man named that symptom.  He simply couldn't believe that a woman, after bearing 3 children, working full time and managing a household for most of her adult life, would NOT be thrilled with the idea of a quickie before going to sleep.  NO,  it must be loss of libido.

Mood Swings:  Swings?  Doesn't that conjure up the image in your mind of a gentle transition of moods?  I don't know about you but my moods don't swing anywhere.  They plummet,  drop like a boulder or fire like a rocket.  There is no swinging involved.  My speedometer can go from a peaceful caring individual to a candidate for a straight jacket in 3.2 seconds.  Now there's a line for a used car salesman. 

Tomorrow I'll talk about the memory loss symptom.  It's a real dandy.  Damn skippy!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

MenoPAUSE? 9-4-12

Good Morning,

The elephant in the room I refer to often is the dreaded MENOPAUSE.  Now first of all, I have a real problem with the name.  Meno PAUSE?  Really? ( I"m guessing that a man came up with this name.)  Pause?  That makes me somewhat nervous because it insinuates that my 'meno' is simply paused and is at some point, returning!  While there are days that I would welcome it back as compared to this, that also would really piss me off that everything I've be through was just some type of sadistic torture.  Sort of like being in a maze with lots of unpleasant experiences only to find that the only way out is right back where you came in.  Wouldn't a more accurate name for this lovely period in our lives be:  Menostop?

And then there are hot flashes.  Flashes my ass!  A camera flash lasts a millisecond.  These things go on for seemingly hours.  A flash indicates something that is over quickly.  These episodes should be called hot seizures.  Or maybe hot mid-life crises. 

How do you think the male of our species would react if they had to go through menostop?  They often talk about 'mid-life crisis' for men.  A crisis is when you are at the DMV, taking your eye test again and the young man behind the counter tells you to read the screen but you are in the midst of a major hot seizure and your glasses have fogged up so badly you can't see anything but you are too embarrased to explain this to the nice young man who hasn't a clue as to the near-homical mental state of the woman in front of him.    Ain't this fun?

Lobby your congressman and the medical community.  It's Menostop and Hot Seizures.  Let's tell it like it is!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Angry Old Women 8-3-12

Good Morning !
"Another day above ground !"  God I hate that reply when I ask someone how they are doing.  It is such a cop-out.  (Don't you love my antiquated expressions?)  I personally don't think that simply being 'above ground' constitutes a basis for your well-being.  Good, bad or indifferent, we are all above ground if we are speaking aloud to each other so cut the cuteness and answer me!!!

As I have grown older, I've noticed that there are certain freedoms that come with age.  I can get away with being blunt and to the point much easier.  People seem to forgive that because I'm old.  Or maybe they don't forgive it,  maybe I just don't care anymore if they are offended.  I've noticed that life is much more blunt and to the point now.  I don't see the pretty flowers or the faded edges on things.  It's factual,  realistic now.

Here's a fact and reality:  I operated under the assumption that ladies got sweeter as they grow older..... Disney must have perpetuated that falsehood.  Do you know any little old ladies that are sweet?  I don't.  My own mother got much meaner as she got older and in her final years, she tormented her caregivers unmercifully.  She was angry and unhappy.  She wasn't in poor health, she had a very nice place to live in and was very well cared for.  But, she was angry and unhappy and at the time I couldn't understand that.

Now I have come to realize that it probably was anger that she couldn't do the physical things she used to be able to do,  she couldn't care for herself and was dependant on others.  She was unhappy that my father was gone, her only son was gone and her daughter, grandchildren and great grandchildren all had lives that did not solely revolve around her.  We all tried to include her in our daily lives but often times that simply wasn't possible.  Had she come to live with us,  we would be visiting a family member in jail right now. 

I shudder to think that I could become that angry old woman.  While I am adopted and do not share a gene pool with her,  I suspect that her behavior isn't hereditary.  It's possibly a natural progression into being old.  We never talked about her anger, her sourness on life.  Now, I wish I had.  I wish I had asked her what she felt and how she perceived her 'senior' years.  Of all the fears I may have or may develop in the years to come,  I think I will fear the most;  becoming an angry, unhappy, sour old woman. 

I tell myself,  'There's still time,  you aren't there yet!'  but does everyone tell themselves that?  Is the slide into that persona so gradual that you don't see it coming and simply accept it as a normal part of getting older?

I consider myself to have had (to this point)...a wonderful life.  I don't want to tarnish that by becoming bitter and angry that I can't have the life I once had.  Where is the middle ground? 

And of course,  there is that elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about.  That cyclone of hormones called menopause.  Shhhhhhh.  Don't say anything and maybe it will go away. 

I have been doing some research concerning how menopause may affect your outlook of life in the later years.  I'll post more about that and how we can possibly prevent ourselves from becoming angry old ladies! 

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Day Two

"The sun rose on a glorious Sunday morning.  The light bouncing off the mountain made everything have a yellow tinge to it."

Oh come on!!!  Yellow tinge?  Are you sure that wasn't the jaundice in your eyes?  It wasn't a glorious morning when I literally rolled out of bed.  Back was aching and feet stiff and rolled into balls.  Glorious is for the young.  Pain management is for the old. 

But... as I made my way to the barn, I was greeted by a chorus of nickers, neighs and brays.  While yes,  they mostly just wanted breakfast, I have convinced myself that part of the greeting was for me.  My four legged family couldn't care less if I am growing older.  They also don't care that my hair isn't even combed yet this morning, my baggy shorts and t-shirt are the same ones I fed in yesterday and my chicken legs are sticking out from those baggy shorts. 

Maybe that's why I love 4 legged creatures so much.  They are so non-judgemental about 'human' things.   We, the 2 legged animals, create so much pressure on ourselves to rise up to standards and ideals that so often have nothing to do with the person we really are. 

Let's face it,  we are a society based on appearance.  We could forgive a mass murderer if he/she is good looking and well dressed.  Because of our obsession with youth, we often don't treat our older generation very well.  So, that means, I just gotta treat myself well and don't wait for someone else to do it.  I had a very salty Aunt who told me as a child,  "Sis,  you just gotta stand up for yourself or you can't expect anyone else to stand up for you."  By golly, I'm standing up!!  Admittedly it takes a little longer to get out of the chair, but I'M UP! 

Now what was it I was going to do?  Damn I hate it when that happens. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

At The Beginning

Yes, at the beginning, I would have never dreamed I would be writing in a format such as this about the trials and tribulations of growing old.  You see, I had never planned on growing old, never considered the possibility even.  With my chosen profession (Rodeo Trickriding) I always assumed something would get me long before the years took their penance.  It was with that premise that I have always generously salted my food,  refused to eat properly,  crossed with confidence against the light and generally thumbed my nose at the light at the end of the tunnel that was the dreaded 'old age'. 

But, in spite of my steadfast confidence that I am still young,  society and nature have taken to reminding me on my age and the marks it has left on me. 

At first I was amused when I was offered the senior discount at a fast food restaurant.  I told myself that the reason I was buying the 'regular fit' jeans instead of the 'slim' fit was because they are so much easier to ride in.  I blamed my gasping breath after running a short distance on the pneumonia I had last year, the wrinkles are from the harsh AZ sun.   Can we spell DENIAL?

Now when offered the senior discount, I tell myself,  "Well, every penny counts."  Who am I kidding?

Aging does not come with a handbook.  Navigating it's murky waters seems sometimes secretive and taboo.  As if we aren't supposed to question the process but simply accept it gracefully.

I don't know how to be graceful about getting older.  And quite honestly, I don't want to be graceful,  I want to scream, protest and fight every step of the way, leaving fingernail marks on the ground as I am dragged into old. 

Oh yes, and then factor in the little thing we women have to deal with called menopause and heeellllooo.....this sucks sometimes. 

Each of us will have a unique journey,  I plan to complain, whine, cajole, threaten and beg my way through mine.  I hope to be able to find the humor in my adventures and some wisdom to pass along to others about this. 

This will be my take on things.  What's yours?