Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Christmas Gift I Gave Myself

It's been a good day.  Today, I gave myself a Christmas gift.  The gift of anticipation of joy to come.  Selfish I know, getting yourself something for Christmas.  Five little stockings have brought a smile to my face, even if the names are a little crooked.

I had not been really looking forward to Christmas this year,  Steve will not be able to come home and while I have wonderful friends that will include me in their celebration, it just wasn't going to be the same without him.

This is a season I have always enjoyed.  I always loved the baking, cooking, decorating and gift selecting madness.  I threw myself into it with an abandon that often dismayed and even frightened my family and friends.  I heard the whispered conversations,  "Oh God, she's going to bake again.  We gotta get out of here."  "Yes honey, that tree is straight, Yes honey those stockings look right, Yes honey those lights look good."  My pleasure may have been their pain.  But...what the hell.  It's Christmas.

With my family mostly gone or scattered, the old traditions were getting harder and harder to maintain.  It seem that as I grew older, those traditions were even more important to hold on to.  And this year, I wondered if it was even going to happen.  Or was I just a silly old woman that was living in the past?

But then came the 5 little stockings.  And a new friend that helped make it happen.  A couple of weeks ago, my friend Ruby and I went on a morning ride through her neighborhood.  As we rode along the street, I saw 5 little kids playing outside a dilapidated trailer.  None of them had shoes on.  The tallest little girl called out to me,  "Can we pet your horse?"

I never say no to a child or an adult that want to pet a  horse.  I know all too well that many seldom or never have that opportunity.  So, I rode over, got off and let them come up to the horse.  They were wide-eyed and excited and I watched as they touched Dillinger with wonder in their eyes.  After a while, I remounted and waved goodbye.  The kids followed us a little ways down the street, still waving goodbye.

And that was when I knew I had found what I wanted for Christmas.  My Christmas gift.

I talked to Ruby about my plan.  Her Spanish is fluent while mine is mostly cuss words, intermixed with Japanese and Cajun.  Serious mumbo jumbo.

This morning we went back to the house and knocked on the door.  (Actually they are living in a 2 car garage) and Ruby, with her voice of an angel, gently explained to the lady that I had no family around for Christmas this year.  She told her that when I had stopped to let the children pet the horse,  "it was placed on my heart" to share Christmas with them.  I was worried that the woman would be offended but Ruby knew just what to say as the children crowded around timidly,  no shoes and it was cold this morning.   I heard one of them say,  "Caballo" (horse).  They remembered!  Ruby got the names and ages of the 5 children and 2 women living there and plans were made for me to return Christmas morning with 'little' gifts for everyone.

I am a woman with a mission now.  Gifts, cookies, toys,  you name it.  I have my Christmas back.

As I drove home, I was humming Christmas music.  I've been griping about that music ever since Halloween. "How can people stand that?"  I complained.  Now I know.

Thank you Ruby for helping me make this happen.

5 Little Stockings can make a season bright.