Gonna Need More Dogs!

Today I had to attend court on a ticket I received.  It's a small town court and those of us who had been summoned were gathered in the hallway waiting for the doors to the courtroom to be unlocked. 

I noticed an older gentleman holding a small dog.  I'm thinking,  "No way he's going to get in the courtroom with that dog.  I had to leave my 2 inch pocketknife in the truck."  "I didn't know it was Bring your Dog to Court Day.  I could have brought Ricky Bobby.  He would have loved this."

When the doors opened I made my way inside and selected a seat at the end of a completely empty row.  In just a moment, the man with the dog came along and asked me,  "Can Stella and I sit by you?"

Figuring  Stella to be his wife, I look around and then say, "Of course."  He settles in the seat next to me and positions the dog on his lap.  Then he proceeds to introduce me to Stella, his little four-legged friend.  Now of course, I'm dying to know how he got in here with that dog and why?  Did Stella get a ticket too?

I couldn't think of a polite way to ask him but as it turned out, I didn't have to.  The man says,  "Stella here goes everywhere with me.  She's my therapy dog." 

Now Stella is about 10 pounds of long shaggy hair and that's it.  I spent a couple of moments trying to envision her assisting the man with anything and I drew a blank.  So I made the mistake of saying,  "Really, what kind of therapy is Stella trained for?"

The man got really quiet for a second or two then in a very slow, measured voice he said,  "Stella....keeps...me...happy."  He is now stroking the dog intently and says,  "Stella helps me with my anger management issues."

All righty then.  I am sinking in my seat and desperately wishing I had sat anywhere else but here.  The man launches into a description of how smart Stella is,  things like how he potty trained her by saying over and over again,  "Stella wanna pee and poop?"  He demonstrated this by saying that over and over again very loudly and pointing out how Stella perked up her ears when she heard that phrase. 

We had already been instructed by the Clerk of Court that there was to be no talking once the judge entered the courtroom and until then,  conversations were to be kept hushed.  Evidently this guy didn't understand the meaning of 'hushed'. 

By this time I was convinced that when the judge entered, he would take one look at Stella and remove her, her owner and me (since it would seem apparent that we were all connected in some way)  from the room. 

The Judge was 19 minutes late.  I know this because my eyes were glued to the clock on the wall.  Meanwhile,  I endured 19 minutes of hearing all about Stella and her amazing abilities to eat a lizard and slide down the slippery slide at the pool. 

When the Judge did arrive, he looked around the courtroom, his eyes traveling over Stella without so much as a blink.  That's when I realized that it was very likely that Stella had been there before.  And evidently, the judge had been convinced that it was a good idea to have Stella present for the proceedings.  Not a good feeling.

My case was called before Stella and her owner so I didn't get to hear what they were there for.  But it did get me to thinking... how about therapy dogs for menopause relief?  God knows we could use the anger management part. 

Maybe I could claim all 7 of my dogs as 'therapy' dogs.  Could I get a supplement from the government for their food and vet care?  They could wear doggie shirts that say,  "Talk to me about my Mom's menopause."  One could be the hot flash therapy dog,  another could help me find all the things I keep losing and misplacing. 

With all my symptoms, I'm gonna need more dogs!  God help us all.